Mom Vs. Mom
The first trimester of a pregnancy has proven to be very hard for me. The hormonal surge and physical changes can take an emotional toll on even the strongest women. Being a mom is tough, even from before baby gets here. My first pregnancy was unsuccessful and ended in a miscarriage. I also threatened a miscarriage during my second pregnancy. Naturally, I had a fear of the first trimester for my third pregnancy. In addition to that, Pregnancy depression is something that I deal with hard in the first trimester.
I was introduced to a mommy community recently by my significant other after having a few bad days of dealing with depression. He found the app Mom Life and recommended it to me. I read the reviews about this app in the google app store and I was sold. I downloaded the free app and began exploring. The app is like Facebook in many ways but geared solely towards mothers. You can post anything and most times you will get answers and responses. What I liked about the app was the fact that many of the women on there all seemed to be supportive. Support was something that I needed. I set up a profile and began writing and replying to statuses.
I have been a part of this community for about a month. During this month, I have seen the occasional bitter mommy, dozens of statuses about waiting on tax returns, and photos of beautiful babies for days. As with everything, there is a good and a bad. I was content with the app until the afternoon of March 15, 2017. There was an all out war going on on my timeline. After reading several statuses on both sides of the issue, I was offended at what the argument was about. I was so disgusted that I wrote this status:
“Why when I get on here for the 1st time today, I see mother’s going back n forth arguing about breastfed vs formula fed? How counterproductive is that shit? As long as your child is fed without the assistance of a cow, ladies. Everything AIN’T for everybody. I’d expect to see some shit like this on Facebook, not on a mommy support app. One argues about formula feeding, another argues about breastfeed… Ok, wtf are yall proving? Out of all the things in the world to argue about, yall really want to argue about feeding… FEEDING. Everybody who is attacking and getting defensive over how u feed should be ASHAMED of themselves. That shit turned me off so bad, I don’t even think I’ll get back on here 2day. Fukkin stupid. Just feed your damn child and be grateful that they are healthy.”
It was almost like, “I’m better than you because I breast feed.” This argument made me lose all faith in not just the app but communities all together. At the end of the day, we are mothers. I thought this app was about raising our children and navigating through the world as a mom. Apparently this app is not about giving and receiving support. My mistake.
The advantages of breastfeeding is scientifically proven. That really is the best way to feed your infant if the mother eats healthy. There is no arguing that. However, every woman isn’t built or even equipped to breast feed. I had my own horrible experience trying to breastfeed my daughter in the hospital. After hours of attempting to feed a screaming, hungry baby I gave up and ordered her a bottle. I simply wasn’t producing the milk fast enough. I ended up bottle feeding. Guess what, my daughter is a healthy 3 year old today. This situation has not discouraged me from attempting to breastfeed the new baby… Plain and simple, you do what you can.
My issue personal issue with the whole breast vs. bottle debate isn’t me being defensive and insecure over bottle feeding. My issue is with mom’s taking the time to fuel this argument. Breastfeeding doesn’t make you a better mother just as bottle feeding doesn’t make you a horrible mother. Some of these women were on here cursing each other out and resorting to all kinds of name calling…. over FEEDING. Debating over education would have been far more productive than this.
When I found this app, I really felt like I found something that would be helpful. After watching the nonsense on that day, I don’t even want to be a member of a community where the mothers will tear each other down so quickly.