Delivery room jitters
Baby Evelyn is officially due on Friday, September 13th. My stomach is dropping and I have dilated 2 centimeters already. LITTLE MONSTER IS COMING… This last month of pregnancy has been dragging very slowly. Watching paint dry is a faster process than this. I have reached the point where I am just tired of being pregnant. I am tired of having to pee every time I get up and my daughter kicks me like she’s mad at me. Every day I question, “Is today going to be the day I meet her?” My excitement has grown along with my anxiety. I have a few realistic concerns plaguing me in the back of my mind.
First and foremost, Will I deliver a healthy baby? According to all of my doctor’s visits, Evelyn seems to be a happy little girl with a strong heartbeat and cunning personality already. My doctors have informed me that everything with my pregnancy has been good. My blood pressure and weight, hasn’t been a problem. I haven’t eaten any dirt or living room sofas neither. The biggest thing was dealing with the hormones/depression and getting used to the idea of being called, “Ma”. My doctors advise that going into my delivery looks good. I shouldn’t have anything to worry about. That is not the case. Maybe it’s my motherly instinct kicking in already. I will not be okay until I hear that first cry in the delivery room. I don’t know that my struggle hasn’t been in vain until I get to hold her and look at her face. I believe that that will be the time when I can finally exhale and know that everything is okay for five minutes.
Another thing that has me on pins and needles is taking an epidural and not being able to deliver my daughter naturally. I personally would like to opt out of the epidural for several reasons: one being that nearly every woman that I know who has had it says that it messes up your back, the after-effects aren’t pretty, and the fact that the medication can knock out all the feeling in my legs is terrifying to me. I am walking into the birthing experience hopeful but realistic. I am just praying that I can take the pain that I know is heading my way and Lord Jesus, PLEASE DON’T LET THEM CUT ME!!!!
My biggest fear throughout this whole thing is delivering a stillborn baby or the umbilical cord wrapping around her neck. I couldn’t imagine developing a baby in my womb for an entire pregnancy and then when the big day comes, my baby is delivered fully developed but lifeless. They say that there is no pain greater than a parent losing their child at any age. I couldn’t imagine going through that on a day that I have been counting down to be the biggest day of my life.
As long as no one microchips us or drops her on her head, all will be divine. Pray for us…